Regardless of how easy we have it nowadays, with great technology, innovative products, and super fast internet connection, we are still (well, at least the Western civilization) prisoners of one concern: How to find true love out there.
(Bare in mind that I’m writing this post while listening to the “new” Adele’s Album, and you should be listening to it too while you read this)
I’ve been single for a while now, and still not ready to mingle if you ask me, but one thing I’ve noticed, I suck at online dating. Even though I consider myself a decent catch, friends of mine have recommended me one “great” option to “not date” but to have some fun in the meantime: Tinder.
So Tinder comes as the top of mind suggestion from these friends, and I hear things like “Well, try it for fun, what do you have to lose?”, “Just for the giggles, maybe the one is right there, just a swipe right away from you”, “Everybody is using it right now” … Or, as a girl I used to date once said to me “Something that’s good for poke while the telly is broken”).
So, after not that much thought, these are the 5 reasons why I’m still reluctant to use Tinder as “the other way” to find love:
I still believe in causality and faith, in magic and love at first sight, in being jinxed as a cursed that only “the one” can lift. Aye, just like in that movie, with John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale, remember? The one with the black glove, and the 5 dollar bill, and the book?
Love deserves your commitment and entire disposition to make it last. So, when love is just “one swipe right away from you”, well, as easy as it comes means how much effort are you willing to give to that relationship. I don’t think that I’ll take as much care for a relationship I find on Tinder that one that was the result of real life interactions.
Rejection is good
The main principle of Tinder is that you can discard or like people while swiping right or left. However, this diminishes the effects of rejection. We hate being dislike by others, and even more, being dislike by those we like, particularly if we are looking for their romantic affection. So, on Tinder, if we don’t have a “match” with someone else, we don’t mind, as we carry on with our swiping.
Real life is different, it takes guts to show someone that you are interest in her on a romantic level, and that excitement of being liked back is amazing, because it includes the fear of being rejected by her, and the wee burden to move on and accept rejection if this happens.
Tinder makes us feel that everything needs to happen immediately. So, the expectations for both are high, either one is looking for her/his long time partner, or the other is only keen for a one night stand (which is fine, mates, I’m not a prude). Hence, most first Tinder dates are based on this premise “I need to know where this is going right now”. Remember the “Lemon Law” by Barney Stinson in #HIMYM? Pretty much that.
Goes with Serendipity, romance isn’t dead, I mean, the flirting, the chivalry, the “I reckon I have feelings for her, darn it!”, or “Well… she is cute, wonder if I’ll see her again” or “Try not to look too creepy, you’ll freak her out”, all those are there, and they feel great. Call me old-fashioned (I mean, I know you did from the start of this post), but let love flow.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging you for using Tinder for either finding the love of your life or just a good shag, I’m saying love is love and when it hits you it shakes your whole existence. The way you find love defines the way that relationship will develop.
Some do see relationships as disposable experiences. Just for fun. I don’t, I’m looking for an intelligent, smart, fun, easy going, dorky cute girl… the butter of my bread, the breath of my life…
The “right one” I have in mind is out there, in the real world, not the web.